I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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