Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
