She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
