their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
