When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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