In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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