1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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