I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
