don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
