i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
