nut hugger
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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