I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
