i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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