I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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