he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
