That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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