Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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