He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
