dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
