idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
