I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
