This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
