dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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