i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
