I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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