Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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