the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
