Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
