He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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