I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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