Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
