bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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