someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
