we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
