The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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