At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
