Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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