Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize