the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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