$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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