mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
