Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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