you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
