Heybabeimwearingurpanties
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
