Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
