I wish I could teleport
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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