Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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