I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
