She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
