Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
