i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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