i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
