she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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