I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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