Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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