Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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