My nipple is on Facebook.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
