Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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