The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize