It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
