they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
