toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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