i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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