Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
